“Why Me?” or “What Now?”: Creating a Solution-Focused Mindset

When life throws a curveball your way, what's your first reaction? Do you immediately spiral into all the reasons why this situation is terrible, unfair, and impossible to overcome? Or do you take a deep breath and think, "Alright, how are we gonna fix this?"

Your response reveals whether you're problem-focused or solution-focused.

And trust me, it makes ALL the difference.

Personally, I’ve been on both sides (depending on the issue). I’m no stranger to deep-diving into negativity, it can be incredibly comforting... and dangerous. So, let’s talk about how to get out of your negative mindset and face your issues head on.

The Problem-Focus Trap

We've all been there. Something goes wrong, and suddenly we're at our own a pity party, going down the following rabbit hole:

• "This ALWAYS happens to me!"

• "Why is everything so hard?"

• "There's no way out."

• "It's not fair."

And yes, sometimes we need to acknowledge that things suck.

It's human.

It's normal.

It's even healthy... for about five minutes.

The trouble starts when we build a cozy little home in Problem Town with no plans of leaving. We ruminate. We complain. We gather evidence for why things can't possibly work out. While we're busy doing all of that, guess what we're not doing? Finding solutions!

"Yes, But..." or “Yes, And…”

When someone offers a potential solution to your problem, sometimes it's easy to get defensive (especially if it seems like the issue is being minimized or treated with a lack of nuance). Then we respond with, "yes, but..." followed by all the reasons their idea won't work.

If you're nodding right now, you might be stuck in problem-focus mode. Solution-focused people tend to say "Yes, and..." then build on possibilities rather than shutting them down.*

Becoming Solution-Focused

Solution-focused people aren't free from feelings of frustration or negative thoughts. They just refuse to unpack and stay there. They feel the feelings, then pivot to questions like:

• "What can I control in this situation?"

• "What's one small step I can take right now?"

• "Who might have faced this before and succeeded? Where can I collect that evidence?"

• "What would this look like if it were easy?"

The difference is subtle but powerful. Problem-focused thinking drains your energy. Solution-focused thinking generates it. This is not an overnight fix, so be gentle with yourself when rewiring and redirecting. Like any other habit, it takes time.

5 Ways to Flip the Switch to Solution Mode

1. The Five-Minute Rule

Give yourself exactly five minutes to complain, vent, or wallow. Set a timer! When it goes off, you must pivot to "What now?" mode. This acknowledges your feelings without letting them hijack your day. For bigger issues - this may be five hours or five days - you decide! There just NEEDS to be a time limit.

2. The "If/Then" Reframe

Replace "I can't because..." statements with "If/Then" alternatives. Instead of "I can't start my cupcake business because I don't have enough followers", try "If I give out samples at the local farmers market in exchange for a follow, then I can grow instantly while creating potential customers"

3. The Resource Inventory

List ALL your available resources. Include obvious ones (money, time) but also overlooked ones (friends, skills, past experiences). This shifts your brain from scarcity to abundance thinking.

4. The "What Would ___ Do?" Technique

Choose someone you admire: a mentor, a historical figure, a celebrity or even a fictional character and ask yourself how they would approach your situation. This creates psychological distance and fresh perspectives.**

5. The Micro-Action Challenge

Identify the absolute smallest action you could take to move forward. So small it seems ridiculous. Then do it immediately. Success builds on success, movement creates movement, change equals change!

When Being Problem-Focused Actually Helps

Don’t want to confuse you here, but sometimes focusing on the problem IS the right approach, but only temporarily and for specific reasons:

• When you need to fully understand root causes before addressing symptoms

• When analyzing what went wrong  - you can prevent future mistakes

• When acknowledging difficulties - helps you process emotions healthily

The key is not staying there forever. Feel it, learn from it, then keep it moving!

Your Challenge (Should You Choose to Accept It)

For the next week, catch yourself when you start spiraling into problem-focus. Say out loud: "This isn't helpful right now." Then ask yourself: "What's one thing I could try instead?"

Notice how different it feels. Notice what you accomplish. Notice how your energy shifts.

Closing remarks:

Becoming more solution-focused can easily transform how you feel on a day-to-day basis. It’s about empowerment and taking the situation into your own hands (even if you have to take accountability for things that are out of your control). This puts you back in the driver's seat of your life. Problems are real, but so are solutions. Where you put your attention determines the direction you go.

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* I’m an improv person, and the number one rule in improv is to maintain the stance of, “yes, and” - it always makes for a better show

** I often think WWRD (what would Rihanna do?) and WWBD (what would Beyonce do?)

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