When It Rains, It Pours: A Simple Meditation

This week's been tough. It's coming up on the one year anniversary of my childhood homie passing away and I've been actively trying to push away any thoughts related to her, or her passing. </3

Let's just say that I have definitely been ghosting the small and heavy stone of grief that I've added to my "stone garden"; as I refer to it jokingly sometimes because I'd rather laugh than cry or however the saying goes.

But like the saying ALSO goes "the body keeps the mfn score"! Soooo while I have been busy pushing away any feelings or thoughts, I have also been feeling uneasy and unwell all week, anxiety on one thousand and I keep zoning out and forgetting my to-dos. 

So yea, where to go from here?

Well I like to start with what I know. 

And the one thing I've learned is that the further down we push all of these feelings!??? Girl, the HARDER they come back to strike when they get fed up with being ignored.

I decided to take a moment and go back to one of my absolute favorite meditations, the one that never fails me when I feel like everything is starting to spiral out of control. Introduced to me by Tara Brach, this really dope spiritual teacher and psychologist that I'm gonna link at the end for your further exploration!

RAIN is an acronym, and it's a mindfulness meditation and exercise that helps us face up to difficult feelings, and even to those moments when we don't even really know what it is that we're feeling but we know SOMETHING is going on.

RECOGNIZE

recognize what is going on!

Sit quietly, in whatever way feels most comfortable to you. Take three deep, and grounding breaths. Go back now to your normal breathing, paying attention to the way your lungs breathe in and out, and the way the breath comes in and out through your nose and mouth, just noticing is all. 

Now lean into the sense of your body, and ask what is going on? What is the first thing that comes up, what is sitting at the top of your awareness? What are some of the thoughts that are affecting you in this moment? What about feelings, what is in your heart?

If you were watching the movie of your life at this moment, what would you say your character is experiencing? What have you recognized? You can acknowledge all this to yourself in an internal mental whisper. You can say: I am feeling angry, I have pain in my shoulder, whatever arises, recognize it.

Awareness is always the first step babes, and this is already progress moving forward, even if what we have identified is uncomfortable or confusing.

ALLOW

allow your experience to be there, just as it is.

Now that you have identified the feelings, thoughts and behaviours that are with you in this moment, the next step is to just let them be. 

Seriously, leave them alone. In fact, we are going to welcome them. As you continue to sit and ask: “what is going on?”, things will start to come up. Feelings or thoughts or sensations. I want you to quietly say "it's okay" or "yes" or "I see you" or even "you belong" to all of these as they start to surface.

What's important in this step is to not start trying to avoid or fix what we are feeling. Now you might think, why would I want to allow that vile thought? or why would I want to allow this angry feeling or whatever it may be? Allowing our negative thoughts and feelings to surface, doesn't mean that we are enjoying it or that we want to remain this way, it is rather a simple recognition that this is what is true for us in this moment, and that it is okay.

Allowing lets us deepen further into presence, and gain valuable insights about the state of our mind and heart.

INVESTIGATE

investigate with interest and care.

When we were kids, curiosity was a natural part of who we were. This is the energy we're gonna call on in this step. Imagine that this natural curious energy wants to know more about what you are feeling and how you are feeling it.

To do this part, quietly asking ourselves questions to investigate further can be helpful. Try on your best investigator voice and ask: where in my body am I feeling this pain, anger, helplessness, tightness, "insert your own feeling here"?

Notice: does it have a shape? A color? Is it solid or static? What is calling my attention the most right now? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it need? You can even ask directly: “What do you need?”, “How can I help you?”. 

Accept whatever answers start to come up, no need to rationalize them or explain them away. Just listen, and take note. You are an investigator, it is your job to collect the data and to ask profound questions that can help you understand this moment, and especially the feeling of this moment, how it feels in your emotional body.

NURTURE

nurture yourself by actively practicing self-compassion.

Anytime I talk about compassion, I like to start by defining it because it helps me understand what the goal of compassion is! Compassion is the understanding of another person's suffering but even more importantly, compassion is the desire to alleviate the suffering.

So here we are, sitting in this present moment, and we have recognized our own suffering, we have not pushed it away or denied it, we have even asked questions of our suffering and said: how can I help you, what do you need in this moment?

The nurture step is about active compassion, and it may look like speaking to ourselves gently in this moment: Do we need a message of encouragement? Do we need a message of love? Is it forgiveness? Is it companionship? Do what naturally feels right.

But sometimes, we're a little rusty in the self-compassion department, and if that's the case I encourage you to simply say quietly to yourself: I love you. I am sorry you are experiencing this. I am here with you and I am listening. Trust in your goodness. We can get through this and I am not going anywhere.

Sometimes, even that feels hard, so we can place our hands on our cheeks gently, or over our heart. We can also recall a loving being- a spiritual teacher, a friend, an animal friend or family member - and imagine that this being is saying to us, all of the things that we need to hear, or that they are simply there, radiating love towards us in this moment.

Finally, we can picture that we are held in a bubble of warm, radiant light that is not only witnessing our pain, but relieving it too.

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The most beautiful part for me of this meditation is at the end.

After I have inevitably released some repressed feelings, I find that there is a sense of calm that comes over my spirit.

I invite you to rest in that tender awareness of self for a few moments. 

I invite you to take a few deep breaths, and stretch or yawn, and never forget to say a simple: "thank you" to yourself for showing up in this way.

I finished writing this post in the food court of a local mall, surrounded by the laughter and aggression playfulness of teenagers after school. I was transported back to a simpler time, when my girl used to work here, and I would come visit her after class and we would walk around the mall "window shopping", gossiping way too loud, and smacking on lip gloss if we saw any cute boys walking in our direction. For a second there, I thought I almost heard her loud and infectious laughter; and for a moment, in the midst of my complicated grief, I smiled. 

Anyway, I'm convinced this meditation is called RAIN, because sometimes when it rains it pours, but every now and again, instead of running away from the rain, we get this irresistible urge to stand still, lift our face to the heavens and let the rain fall down, and wash us clean. You should try it sometime! <3

With love, Jay.

Links: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/