Burnout Is Not Foreplay

Let’s start here. If you feel less playful, less curious, less turned on by your own life, you’re not alone.

Women are the most on edge I’ve ever seen. We’re efficient. We’re accomplished. We’re managing everything.

We’re “fine.”

And yet, something feels muted.

Desire feels quieter. Touch feels secondary. Sensuality feels more like a luxury than a birthright.

And here’s the truth no one says out loud:

Burnout is not foreplay.

You cannot run on stress, overstimulation, extreme pressure, and constant output… then expect your body to melt.

You Cannot Be in Survival Mode and Seduction Mode at the Same Time

You cannot be:

• Overworked

• Overstimulated

• Overthinking

• Over-responsible

• Over-functioning

… and expect your body to whisper, “let’s play.”

Burnout isn’t just being tired. It’s being in a constant low-grade state of pressure. Things like managing deadlines, fielding notifications, consistent self-improvement, gym, work, texts, family, money.

The perpetual “am I doing enough?” conundrum… ohmagosh.

At this point, your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a tiger and your inbox. And when your body feels like it’s constantly bracing, it shuts down non-essential systems.

Unfortunately, pleasure is non-essential to a body that thinks it’s under threat.

The Quiet Lie: “I’ll Feel Better When…”

A lot of us are waiting.

“I’ll feel sexy when I lose weight.” 

“I’ll feel turned on when I meet someone.” 

“I’ll feel more connected when work slows down.” 

“I’ll feel like myself again when life calms down.”

But here’s the thing, if you only allow yourself to feel (sexually) activated when conditions are perfect… you'll be waiting forever.

Desire doesn’t thrive in perfection, it thrives in presence.

And presence sometimes requires slowing down.

You Don’t Need a Partner to Feel Turned On by Your Life

Start by de-centering the idea that libido is something someone else unlocks.

You do not need:

• A boyfriend/husband

• A situationship

• A “good texter”

• Or someone planning dates

… to feel sensual.

Some of the most disconnected women are in relationships.

Some of the most turned-on women are single.

Libido is not a reaction to attention, it’s a relationship with yourself.

It’s how safe you feel in your body. How much space you give yourself. How often you allow pleasure without earning it.

If the only time you feel sexy is when someone else desires you, that’s not connection, that’s outsourcing.

The Real Fix Isn’t “Try Harder”

You cannot bully your libido back online.

You rebuild it by reducing pressure.

Here’s what that looks like… not as a checklist, but as a shift.

1. Lower the Bar for “Enough”

Not every week has to be optimized. Not every day has to be productive. Not every version of you has to be impressive.

Desire grows when you stop performing.

2. Make Pleasure Non-Negotiable (Even If It’s Small)

Pleasure doesn’t have to mean sex. It can mean:

• Dancing to one song fully.

• Laying in clean sheets.

• Taking a shower without your phone in the room.

• Reading a book or blog that makes you feel something.

• Taking time to make your favourite meal

You are teaching your nervous system that life isn’t just output.

3. Stop Waiting for Permission

Wear the lingerie. Buy the good pajamas. Put on perfume at home. Stretch slowly before bed. Touch your own body.

Not because someone might see you.

Because you live there.

When you stop waiting for someone else to activate you, something shifts, you realize desire was never external, it was just buried under exhaustion.

What Happens When You Reconnect

You feel:

• More confident.

• More decisive.

• Less tolerant of nonsense.

• More creative.

• More playful.

• More in your body.

You want more out of life.

You take up space differently.

Libido is life force. When it flows, everything feels a little warmer.

Try This This Week

Not all of it. Just one or two.

• Go to bed 30 minutes earlier.

• Put your phone outside your bedroom.

• Schedule 30 minutes that is not productive.

• Wear something that makes you feel soft.

• Cancel one unnecessary obligation.

• Drink water like someone who deserves to feel good.

Notice what changes.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

• Low libido is often burnout, not brokenness.

• You cannot expect pleasure from a nervous system that never rests.

• Desire doesn’t require a partner, it requires space.

• Waiting to “earn” pleasure keeps you disconnected.

• Small, consistent acts of self-connection matter more than big dramatic changes.

Journal Prompts

• When did I start equating productivity with worth?

• Where am I over-functioning?

• What would slowing down look like this month?

• What does “turned on by my own life” mean to me?

• How often do you allow pleasure without earning it?